Transformational Coaching with Becca Silver, Ep. 115 Instructional Coaching with Ms. B

Transformational Coaching with Becca Silver, Ep. 115 Instructional Coaching with Ms. B

Chrissy Beltran [00:00:01]:

Hey, coach. Don’t worry. We’ll get to your episode in just a second. I just wanted to let you know that if you’re listening to this in December or January, it’s time for instructional coaching with Chrissy Beltran to take its little holiday hiatus. Every year from December through January, I take a a season break. Then in February, the new season comes roaring in, and I share all the latest coaching strategies, troubleshooting, and ideas with you. I plan the season starting in January. So until then, I’d love to hear from you. Head to buzzing with Chrissy Beltran dot com slash survey to share your thoughts on the podcast. You can help me plan episodes and chat with guests that really help you with your everyday coaching work. I want these episodes to be meaningful and helpful, so please tell me what you’re thinking. If you complete the survey, you’ll also be entered to win a $25 gift card from a place of your choosing as long as I can grab it online. Head to buzzing with missb.com/survey and let me know what you think about instructional coaching with Chrissy Beltran, the podcast, and enter to win the survey the giveaway. I’m also using this hiatus to share some of the most popular episodes from the last six years. I know. Crazy six years. Maybe you’ve missed some very special gems that would help you out in this next semester. So keep looking for an episode every week in your podcast player. And, of course, you can listen on the blog at buzzingwithmissb.com/podcast. Happy holidays and happy coaching, everybody. Happy New Year, coach. By this time of year, you might feel like your coaching is a little out of your control. You might be spending days on random tasks that don’t actually impact teaching and learning. You might have taken on responsibilities that are keeping you from coaching teachers. Let’s get your coaching on track in ten minutes a day. Head to buzzing with missb.com/newyear. The five day challenge starts January 12. Can’t wait to see you inside.

Chrissy Beltran [00:01:45]:

I’m going to make an assumption, and you tell me if I’m wrong. You feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day. I know it’s true. There are always too many things to do and too little time. If you’re like me, your boss will walk down the hallway and shout, go home Beltran. That’s why I am telling everyone about the forty hour work week with Angela Watson. Angela was a guest on this very podcast back in season one, and she shared her ideas for managing your time, teaching, and stuff to help you make the most of your time at work while making time for home too. But that was just the beginning. In her membership, the forty hour work week, Angela helps you focus on what matters to have a purposeful and productive work day, and then go home. Angela helps teachers find on average eleven hours a week that they can take back for themselves while still being a great teacher. The best part is that Angela has a new membership, especially for coaches. She partnered with my friend and coffee buddy, Nicole Turner of Simply Coaching, to create the forty hour work week for coaches. Check it out at buzzingwithmissb.com/40hourweek and get your time back. You’re listening to Buzzing with Chrissy Beltran, the coaching podcast, where we believe that every teacher deserves a coach, and every coach does too. I’m Chrissy Beltran, an instructional coach, resource creator, and coffee enthusiast, and I’m your host. Stay tuned for practical tips and honest coaching talk that will help you coach with confidence.

Chrissy Beltran [00:03:16]:

Coaches, if you’re listening to this in real time, it is back to school season and that’s what we’re talking about all month long. I love back to school. I can remember the days of working at school when all the teachers were still at home preparing professional development so lovingly and setting up my coaching space to be purposeful and inviting to teachers. It’s a special time where all of your big plans and goals hasn’t had a chance to go awry quite yet. I wanted to continue this crazy but exciting month with a special topic, transformational coaching. I’m really looking forward to this chat with Becca Silver, the whole educator, in episode 115, transformational coaching with Becca Silver. Welcome, Becca, to the podcast.

Becca Silver [00:04:00]:

Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Chrissy Beltran [00:04:02]:

I’m glad you could be here today. Could you introduce yourself to our listeners and maybe talk a little bit about who you are, how you ended up here, and what kind of work you focus on?

Becca Silver [00:04:11]:

Yeah. Sure. So I am Becca Silver. I am the CEO and founder of The Whole Educator. And, what I do with The Whole Educator is we coach and train coaches in transformational coaching. And what that looks like is, we specifically focus on utilizing teachers’ mindsets and motivations to make really big impact on their effectiveness and resilience.

Chrissy Beltran [00:04:37]:

So would you consider that the definition of transformational coaching using those mindsets?

Becca Silver [00:04:42]:

It will it’s definitely it’s definitely part of it. The way that I define transformational coaching or generally transformational learning is that, we are looking at how do you know what you know. This is when we critically think about our assumptions and expectations, and, we deeply look at how we interpret everything in our lives, including our profession.

Chrissy Beltran [00:05:10]:

I love it. So how did you end up doing this work?

Becca Silver [00:05:15]:

Oh, gosh. That’s a great question. So, when when I I was a teacher for ten years Mhmm. And then I became a coach at a school, and at the same time I became a life coach. And when I was learning those skills and it was life coaching skills or transformational coaching skills and so I at this so I was learning, you know, it was kind of, you know, first year being a coach, right? And then these like and so I started to see some crossover skills that were really helpful. And, and then I and then I started doing work with businesses too and it’s just kind of woven into how can I and I created a curriculum, like how can I get work that actually empowers coaches to impact teachers’ mindsets and motivations in addition to their knowledge and skills?

Chrissy Beltran [00:06:03]:

Mhmm. I love it. I love that. The the crossover that you’re describing seems so powerful to to be able to impact the way people think about things in their daily life, and then that impacts their teaching as well.

Becca Silver [00:06:14]:

Yeah. And one of the things that I noticed is, like, excellent teachers generally get promoted to coach. You know, it’s like, oh, you did great teaching children. Right? And so coaches, I can count on my coaches to be excellent content knowledge holders. So they are, right, so they’re they’re experts in that that way. And so and and the model is, right, we get promoted to coach and then it’s like go spread your goodness, right? You’re great with children, go spread your goodness to other adults. And many times coaches are given little to no adult learning theory, little to no, like, you know, idea, like how do we actually work with adults that have different needs, right? And that in addition to mindsets. And it’s interesting, one of the things that’s in the conversation of working with children is growth mindset. And in my in my experience, honestly, in schools, growth mindset is can be pretty surface level, but it is never talked about with adults. Mhmm. Right? Like, like, do the teachers at our school operate with a growth mind?

Chrissy Beltran [00:07:24]:

And the coaches when working with the teachers.

Becca Silver [00:07:26]:

Yes. Exactly. Right. You co do and there’s a bunch of coaches that I work with that operate under fixed mindset. So I’ve you know, we kind of have to, like, start I’ll do it when I work with principals. There’s no principals that operate under fixed mindset. So I’m doing that right from the top down because we can’t really impact children’s mindsets, right, until we can have the adults operating in a way that works.

Chrissy Beltran [00:07:53]:

Yeah. So what are some of these, mindsets that you’ve seen that are problematic? If you could I would love to hear a little bit more about that or some of the maybe fixed mindset that you’ve seen or some of the limitations or limiting beliefs that you’re seeing.

Becca Silver [00:08:05]:

Yeah. Yeah. So I’ll share yeah. I’ll share some kind of common problematic ones and then I’ll share some human ones that are like human, you know, common across human beings. So, a really common one, is perfectionism. So perfectionism isn’t the mindset itself, but there can be mindsets that that perfectionism gets triggered by. So it’s something like I gotta get it right. That’s a mindset, right? The need to do it perfectly and get it right. And so and that translates into a need to be in control and a need to, you know, and then there’s a bunch of other behaviors that come from it. But so perfectionism, I see that all the time. Another mindset that gets in the way is needing to be liked. I need to be liked. And another mindset so so then I’m going to go into like human beings. All human beings have a version of I’m not good enough. Everyone does. I can count on when I’m talking to everyone, I do a keynote, when I’m, you know, in a conference session, everyone I look at, I’m like, I know all of you guys have some form of I’m not good enough. I’m not attractive enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not successful enough. Right? And so we have all these mindsets that build off of the not being good enough, and it impacts our behavior. And a great example of that, I was working with some coaches recently, and I gave one of them a compliment. I said, you are so sharp! I was like, it’s like unbelievable, I love working with you! And he deflected. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but he deflected. And I said, hold on, I was like, what you need to say is thank you. Let’s let’s start with that, say thank you. So I got him to say thank you, and I saw he struggled with it. And and we didn’t, honestly, we didn’t go deep into, like, what his mindset was, but I know, there’s a mindset that had him deflect my compliment.

Chrissy Beltran [00:10:08]:

Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. We and we all do that in some way like you’re saying, in some way or another. That that perfectionism and the need to control, that’s absolutely my issue. Even, like, day to day life, you know, the I mean, just, you know, getting through the day, not making mistakes is important. Like, not doing things the wrong way is very important to me. And so I have to really it’s something I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older how important that is to me and how unhelpful it is in, like, literally everything in in work and parenting and just, you know, life. It’s not helpful to feel that. And that drives so many of your thoughts throughout the day and so many oh, I should’ve done I know I know I’m not doing great when I start to do the shoulds. I should’ve done this. I should’ve

Becca Silver [00:10:53]:

done that.

Chrissy Beltran [00:10:53]:

I should’ve done this. Mhmm. And, and, yeah, it’s hugely problematic, and it’s, like, foundational to everything.

Becca Silver [00:10:59]:

Yeah. Yeah. The shoulds the shoulds is a great and for everyone listening, if you hear yourself saying shoulds or you hear other someone else, you should be like a little red flag like, ah, something’s up here. The should actually doesn’t live in the present. It lives in the past, I should have done that yesterday, right, or the future. It can never ever ever live in the present. I like to say you’re shitting everywhere and making a mess.

Chrissy Beltran [00:11:24]:

Yes. I I’ve I’ve done that lots of made lots of shit messes everywhere. So this sounds like in order to really get at the heart of what people are struggling with or what’s keeping them from really achieving, you know, their their potential or what they could be, you would have to have some really strong relationships

Becca Silver [00:11:43]:

with teachers.

Chrissy Beltran [00:11:44]:

So how do we develop relationships purposely to be able to coach teachers like this?

Becca Silver [00:11:48]:

Yeah. There’s so many I don’t wanna say strategies, but it’s there’s so many ways that I I develop, relationships. You know, sometimes it’s like having things in common.

Chrissy Beltran [00:11:58]:

Mhmm. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:11:59]:

You know? And and it’s and it’s, I try to feel out, like, do they like jokes? Are they a jokey person? I try to get to the point where it feels like I can give them a hard time. If I can get there, we’re we’re good to go. You know, and then and then there’s actual, like, strategies. So one of the strategies I use is reflective listening.

Chrissy Beltran [00:12:19]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:12:19]:

And that is, reflective listening is basically when people speak to you, you reflect back what they’re saying. You’re actually repeating back what they’re saying, not my interpretation of it. I’m taking my interpretation out. I’m just you said x and I’m repeating back x to you. And it’s really powerful and it does something to our brain and it makes us first of all, it calms our brain. Mhmm. Because we’re like stress sometimes it’s stressful, meeting new for for people to meet new people. I love it. I’m like, I like, think it’s great.

Chrissy Beltran [00:12:50]:

I could live without.

Becca Silver [00:12:52]:

Yeah. No. A lot of people can. It’s stressful for them. It is. Here you are, you’re meeting a new person, and how can I calm someone’s brain, right? If it seems stressful for them. So reflective listening a lot, I’ll say things like what I heard you say was, or I’m just like, yeah, and I repeat back, yeah, that you know, whatever they’re saying. I did this today for I was coaching groups of ELCs that were coming in one at a time and and and I was, they were sharing ideas. I could tell they’re a little skeptical of me, they had never met me before. And all they were sharing ideas and I was saying, yeah, and I was repeating them right back and you could see them smile. Yeah. So that’s kind of a something I try to do when I’m first meeting people and building relationships. Also, one more thing, I listen for so one of the most powerful things, and I know you know this. I know the people listening knows too. One of the most powerful things a coach needs to have is a skill of listening.

Chrissy Beltran [00:13:53]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:13:53]:

Much more than talking. And so I’m so I listen for what’s important to people. I’m meeting them, they’re talking, talking, talking. And 99% of the time, people don’t say what’s important to them. It’s between their words. It’s how they’re talking about things. Sometimes it’s what they’re not saying. But that’s one thing that I’m listening for.

Chrissy Beltran [00:14:17]:

Can you give me an example of that?

Becca Silver [00:14:21]:

Oh, okay. Oh, okay. Okay. This is a good one. I, sometimes when I’m talking to teachers, I’m meeting with them, they they’ll go off on a tangent about their kids. Mhmm. Yeah. Other kids. All my kids and I was still hearing some teachers talk today about, like, my kids graduating. Oh, look at the cap and gown. Mhmm.

Chrissy Beltran [00:14:41]:

And

Becca Silver [00:14:42]:

I will you know, we’re here to talk about instruction, right? Now they are talking about their kid. If someone’s bringing up their kid, I’m like, family is important to them. Mhmm. And so I’ll find a way to bring that up. It sounds like family is really important to you.

Chrissy Beltran [00:14:56]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:14:57]:

A 100% of the time, they’ll light up, yay.

Chrissy Beltran [00:14:59]:

Uh-huh. You

Becca Silver [00:15:00]:

know, they they didn’t it’s things that are important us, they filter into our our our talking, and we don’t even realize it. You know, clearly, like, mindsets and motivations are more to me. Right? It’s good. It’s in everything that I say. So I’m just constantly listening for that. Another another kind of more schoolish example would be a teacher. Oh, oh, this happened yesterday. One of a teacher I’ve been coaching for a while, she came in and was like, exhausted and frustrated and mad and was uncoachable. Like there was no getting down to business. And I was like, okay, so I spent probably ten minutes just listening to her go, you know, go on and on about how these kids don’t do this. And these she like, totally forgot all of our coaching we’ve done in the past. And these kids, they don’t listen, and they’re not learning. And I just kept saying, yeah. You I said, you sound exhausted. That sounds exhausting. That was my response. Every time she’s going off on another thing, I wasn’t correcting her. And I just because I got that she’s exhausted. And that’s the thing that’s right there for her. And all this other stuff was just like the smoke, right? It just it wasn’t the thing that was there when she was exhausted. About five times, I was like, you know, you’re exhausted.’ And there was a turnaround. About the fifth time, she’s like, yeah. I am.

Chrissy Beltran [00:16:34]:

Yeah. Yeah. She finally she she heard that you understood how she was feeling, and you weren’t giving approval or dismissing or anything. You were just saying, here’s what I can tell from what you’re telling me. I can tell that you’re exhausted.

Becca Silver [00:16:47]:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Being really connected to her. And then she said, like you said in coaching, she, like, started bringing up my I mean, it was full general.

Chrissy Beltran [00:16:56]:

I love it. You know, it’s so interesting. I and I’m a parent of a I’m a four year old and a well, my my well, when this comes out, I will have, like, a one and a quarter year old. But but, we’re recording it quite early, and so I have an almost one year old. She’s gonna be one on Friday. And so, you know, all the parenting stuff that you read, they tell you to do and something I’ve been working on with chill to do with children is exactly those two things that you just shared. The first thing that the first time that I heard about, you know, really that, reflect like, reflecting what people say back on them was whenever I read the, Stephen Covey book. I had to read it in high school. The seven habits of highly successful

Becca Silver [00:17:34]:

Yeah. It’s great. It’s iconic. Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:17:36]:

Yeah. It is. I mean, everybody’s seen it. Everybody knows about it. I mean, it’s been around forever. And I had a reading college for some class. I don’t know what it was, but maybe surviving the world class. I don’t know. And that was where I I picked that up. And then now all of the parenting stuff, it’s all about, you know, like, responding, reflecting what your child has said and naming their emotions, listening to what they say, and you’re not you’re not saying it’s okay. You’re not saying that the way they’re acting is okay. You’re saying you can tell how they

Becca Silver [00:18:04]:

feel. Mhmm.

Chrissy Beltran [00:18:05]:

You’re validating the feelings. Yes. And so I love that you’re you’ve translated that into coaching work. It’s so important to do that because teachers are people too, and children are people. We’re all people. We’re just have different levels of experience with things.

Becca Silver [00:18:18]:

Exactly. We’re different sizes. Yeah. We have big people. We have small people. Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:18:22]:

Right. Yeah. So can you describe what a dialogue might sound like in this process so we could hear a little bit about it?

Becca Silver [00:18:31]:

Sure. And a dialogue in just transformational coaching in general? Yeah. For sure. Sure. So, I’ll share gosh. A while back, I was coaching a teacher that was not making progress. And so, I was going in and she, I was modeling for her. I was Co planning. I was Co teaching, right? I was doing all the things that coaches do with teachers to help them get better. And she was she seemed to be absorbing it. And then I’d come back the next week, and she had made no progress.

Chrissy Beltran [00:19:04]:

Right.

Becca Silver [00:19:04]:

And, and so what I did, I sat down with her and I said and I leveled with her and I said, look, it feels like we’re having the same conversation again, and, I’d like to do something different with you. And she’s like, okay, right? And this is based on a really strong relationship, right? And I said, why do you, wait, hold on, I have to think about what I said. I said I said, what is going through your head when you are was it was classroom management was her biggest issue.

Chrissy Beltran [00:19:44]:

Okay.

Becca Silver [00:19:45]:

She had great lesson ideas, but the execution was terrible because the kids were out of control.

Chrissy Beltran [00:19:49]:

I’m so glad you chose this example, by the way.

Becca Silver [00:19:51]:

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:19:53]:

It is so important and so relevant.

Becca Silver [00:19:56]:

Yeah. No. You can’t you can’t teach anything if Right. Like, there’s chaos. Right? So, and I I said, why what is going through your head when you’re giving because I was working with her on like giving directions in a specific way, when you’re giving directions. She’s like, I don’t know, my mind just goes crazy. It just goes and I can’t think straight and I just mix up my words and I can do it. I’m like, okay, got it. I said, what what’s the feeling behind it? What are you feeling? I feel I feel, what did she say? It was just a couple years ago. It was like, like, I feel stressed out. She’s anxious. And she’s worried, she’s fearful, it’s really fear that, you know, the kids, you know, I said, oh, okay, sorry, forget. And I said, why do you feel that way? And she’s like, I’m afraid the kids won’t do what I want them to do. And I said, okay, I got that. Well, why do you think the kids won’t do what you want them to do? And then she had to think about it for a while and we got through forgive me, there’s a couple other steps. So it was me literally just being like, Why? Why?

Chrissy Beltran [00:21:01]:

Yeah, digging,

Becca Silver [00:21:02]:

digging, and finally the final why, she teared up, and she said, because I’m not good enough. That was it. That was the the end. And I know when someone gets there, we we’ve hit. We’ve hit the the source of it. And she cried, and it was so good. It was so good, you know, and it was a release for her. And I was like, I said, okay. I got all that. And I and I, and you know, one thing I want to share with people is if someone’s sharing I’m not good enough with you, there’s nothing to fix. There’s nothing to fix. I don’t need to fix you, I don’t need to tell you that you are good enough. No, but you are! It doesn’t, it’s what I call putting icing on a mud pie. You don’t it’s just it’s like, okay, I got you want to get their communication, I got that you think that you’re not good enough. And I sent her home with some exercises and she came back a new woman. She looked different.

Chrissy Beltran [00:22:10]:

What were the exercises that you sent?

Becca Silver [00:22:13]:

Oh, gosh. Oh, this is years ago. I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know if I can remember.

Chrissy Beltran [00:22:20]:

Were they exercises for her, like, to change her thinking? Were they Yes. Okay. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:22:26]:

It was like reflection stuff.

Chrissy Beltran [00:22:27]:

Okay. Alright.

Becca Silver [00:22:29]:

Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:22:29]:

For her to reflect on her belief about herself or for her to reflect on her management or both?

Becca Silver [00:22:35]:

Her belief on herself.

Chrissy Beltran [00:22:36]:

Okay. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:22:37]:

There’s just a belief on herself, and it I had her taking actions that were in line with actually being good enough. Like, doing stuff. Right? Like, like, If I’m not acting in line with I’m not good enough, that’s how our actions work. We have a belief and then we have a behavior that comes from that belief. Right? Like, if I let me just try on what if I am good enough? Like, what could happen?

Chrissy Beltran [00:23:03]:

Okay, what would I do? What would I do? What would I do? What would

Becca Silver [00:23:06]:

it be? She took up one of her hobbies, I forgot, oh she took out knitting or I don’t know, it was some hobby that she had long lost forgotten. And what’s interesting is it improved her marriage too. She said my husband said I’m back to the woman that he married. Wow. I was like great, okay great. And she was smiling, she was like scowly a lot.

Chrissy Beltran [00:23:26]:

Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:23:26]:

She’s smiling and her it was after that I could I could, like, coach her, and she could take the coaching because it wasn’t getting filtered through. I’m not good enough.

Chrissy Beltran [00:23:37]:

Can’t do that anyway. I’m not good enough. It’s not gonna make any difference. I’m not good enough. Yep. Yep. Yep. Wow. That’s fascinating. Amazing. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:23:45]:

So what does

Chrissy Beltran [00:23:45]:

a coaching cycle look like using transformational coaching? Some I mean, I know, like, in a traditional coaching cycle, you know, we set goals. We do some classroom work. We Yes. Provide feedback, have reflective conversation. What really sets this process apart? You know, what is it that coaches need to know about this cycle?

Becca Silver [00:24:02]:

It’s actually very similar to a traditional coaching cycle you would think of. Right? You’re setting goals exactly right, you’re going into the classroom, maybe you’re observing, giving feedback. That’s all the same. What’s different is what happens after, the observation the during the coaching conversation. Mhmm. It’s you you I separate into three buckets. Does the teacher need support in more knowledge, like content knowledge? Do they need support in skills, how to teach? Mhmm. Or is it do they need support and mindsets?

Chrissy Beltran [00:24:36]:

Okay. I love that.

Becca Silver [00:24:37]:

Yeah. So I just that’s that’s yeah. It’s it’s and you could, like, honestly put that into gym nights coaching site.

Chrissy Beltran [00:24:43]:

Coaching cycle. Yeah. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:24:45]:

It doesn’t matter. It’s it’s just but separating those when you’re filtering down and you’re problem solving, What’s going on here? And it’s really great if you can do that with the teacher too.

Chrissy Beltran [00:24:55]:

Mhmm. I love that because we do really well addressing content and skills. Yes. Yes. So often neglect the mindset, and that is the biggest issue. And I can think of specific teachers who, sometimes I would do work around mindset, but not maybe deliberately. Whenever I started out coaching, I didn’t really know how to address that because it was like, wow. We are speaking different languages here. You are seeing things in a completely different way. I am not sure where you’re coming from with this. And it was hard for me to figure out to be comfortable having that dialogue with teachers. I I also feel like it can be scary because you’re like, am I gonna veer into the role of a counselor here?

Becca Silver [00:25:31]:

Right. Well, right. Right. And it’s it’s, you know, the coaches I’ve I’ve heard coaches complain. I feel like a therapist this year. And it’s right. And it does kinda feel like a thin line. And I definitely don’t coach people to become therapists, and there is important mindset stuff we need to learn to address in a way that’s not therapy.

Chrissy Beltran [00:25:52]:

Right. Yes. We’re not going to get into all the trauma or any of the stuff that caused this. We’re just talking about how does this impact you and the way that you you do

Becca Silver [00:26:00]:

your work. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s you know, I love that you said that because it’s spot on in terms of, like, you know, you were great at at coaching the content, right, and the skills and the knowledge, and then it’s like, ah, like, you could sense that there’s something off, but how do I even address it? Right?

Chrissy Beltran [00:26:17]:

And that’s It was like a barrier.

Becca Silver [00:26:20]:

Right. Right. And that takes training.

Chrissy Beltran [00:26:22]:

Mhmm. It does. It really and it takes thoughtfulness about, well, your own mindsets as well, I think.

Becca Silver [00:26:29]:

Oh, a 100%. You can’t coach mindsets until you’ve addressed your own.

Chrissy Beltran [00:26:34]:

Yes. Totally. So is that really I mean, one of the questions I was gonna ask ask you is how does this look different from many of the coaching approaches you’ve seen? Is that really what encapsulates it?

Becca Silver [00:26:43]:

Yeah. You got to do the work first. No. You hit the the nail on the head. You it’s it’s coaches have to do the work first. And if I have a coach that finds me and wants to do my work and wants a quick fix, like, Where’s the PDFs? Right. You know, I have PDFs, but that’s not the thing that has you be transformational. It’s you doing the work first, and it’s it’s not quick.

Chrissy Beltran [00:27:07]:

So how do you go about doing that?

Becca Silver [00:27:10]:

Oh, lots of things. So, you know, one of the things that I, one of the things that I do is I coach coaches on, helping to differentiate for different types of teachers, and I have something called levels of willingness. So is we talk about skill, but we don’t address a will a lot. So, right? So, right? So, it’s like, oh, I’m going to help you get better at your skill, get better at teaching. But how willing are they to do that? Right.

Chrissy Beltran [00:27:36]:

So

Becca Silver [00:27:36]:

one, we want to differentiate for their will, right? How willing they are to change. And then, and learn all those strategies. And then how do we build trust? And I have a whole thing on, like, look, we gotta break down trust, we gotta understand the components. I was just talking to a coach today about this. Like, we can’t just say, well, you know, second grade needs to just trust each other more. It’s like, how do we intentionally build trust? Well, it has components to it and different people have researched it. And one of the things I love is I kind of mesh Stephen M. R. Covey, he has a book Speed of Trust, which I love, love, love. And Brene Brown has a model for trust, and I think they’re both great. You know, and it’s like, not there’s right and wrong, but it’s like, hey, we’ve got to build trust with our teachers, right, with our admin, and there’s a way to do it intentionally. Mhmm. And then, I mean, I I can keep going. There’s there’s lots of things that I do. It’s not a simple answer, but it’s, you know, it’s addressing mindsets. It’s knowing what fixed mindset and growth mindset looks like in adults.

Chrissy Beltran [00:28:40]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:28:41]:

One of the most powerful things that I do with coaches is I call it unpacking our complaints. So what people don’t realize is our complaints have gold in them. It has buried in there that’s important to us.

Chrissy Beltran [00:28:54]:

Yes. We talk I talk about that a lot, turning complaints into like, they’re cries for help. Like, we just we just have to figure out what they’re what they’re asking.

Becca Silver [00:29:01]:

Yes. Yeah. I love that you do work around complaints. I’ve never met anyone else that does work with complaints. Usually, people try to get them out of the way.

Chrissy Beltran [00:29:08]:

Yeah. Steve Barclay also talked about this. On this podcast, actually, we talked he was talking about, coaching resistance,

Becca Silver [00:29:14]:

and

Chrissy Beltran [00:29:15]:

he said something about he he didn’t call it complaints, but he called it I don’t remember what he said, but there was a cute little phrase that he used, and it basically just make the same thing, turning complaints into, like, your next like, this is what we need to do. This is how we can work

Becca Silver [00:29:28]:

together. Yeah. Yeah. And and, you know, I really I I go deep into like, I have my coaches

Chrissy Beltran [00:29:34]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:29:34]:

Go deep into why do I have that complaint? Like, what about me is buried in that complaint, typically about other people. Yes. Right? If I’m complaining you, like, you never blah blah blah. Right? What about what does that say about me? And that takes that takes some work, right, and some partnership with a coach to do. And that is, I teach people how to reframe in a really powerful way. Reframing is not toxic positivity, and I always say them together because I think people think like, you know, it it is what it is, you know, this too shall pass, and it’s like, no. Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:30:10]:

No. No. It’s it’s having a different perspective or looking at something from a different angle and using that to find an opportunity. Yeah. It’s not the same thing as saying, oh, it’s fine.

Becca Silver [00:30:20]:

Right. Right. Right. Or it is I I can’t tell you how many times I hear, but it’s okay. People will tell me terrible things, but it’s fine. And I’m like, you stop. Yeah. Oh, it’s all fine.

Chrissy Beltran [00:30:33]:

Absolutely. So so yeah, so reframing in

Becca Silver [00:30:36]:

a really powerful way, is something that I do with people. What else do I do? Helping coach I coach coaches on really going through those steps like we were talking about that process of figuring out what do teachers need, knowledge, skills, or mindsets.

Chrissy Beltran [00:30:53]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:30:54]:

And then addressing those mindsets with there’s a wide range of strategies to address mindsets. And then one of the most powerful things I do is I help coaches reconcile their priorities with their district’s priorities, their school leaders’ priorities, and their teachers’ priorities. And what people don’t realize is we don’t have just one set of priorities. I don’t have one set of priorities and you don’t have one set of priorities. We actually have two. We have the things that we say is important to us,

Chrissy Beltran [00:31:22]:

and

Becca Silver [00:31:22]:

then we have hidden priorities that we don’t say, but it impacts our behavior. And it’s hidden from us too. We like we’re like, I don’t know why that happened. I don’t know why I can’t lose weight. And so there’s actually there’s not those those four levels of priorities or And so I work with coaches on like how do you sort out all these different people’s priorities? And I’ve been hearing that distinction has really been powerful with my burning out teachers this year. That I’m gonna quit, my district doesn’t care about me, Right? There’s all this stuff, and I’m like, hold on. Hold on. Let’s see. Priorities. Why don’t we talk it through that way?

Chrissy Beltran [00:32:04]:

That’s great. I love all of those things. It just seems like you’re really getting at the heart of of everything that that keeps us from being the coach or the teacher that we wanna be.

Becca Silver [00:32:14]:

Yes. Yes. Limiting beliefs.

Chrissy Beltran [00:32:16]:

Yes. Absolutely. So what do you do when you are not seeing growth or change in the classroom? Because you mentioned, you know, earlier you like that classroom where you you did the modeling, you did the co teaching, you did the co planning, you did all the stuff, and you’re like, okay. It’s still we’re still here just like I if I never came in.

Becca Silver [00:32:33]:

So, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. So so one thing that it triggers in me is that they I’m not addressing a knowledge, skill, or mindset thing. Mhmm. Typically, if I’m going over and over again and I’m not seeing progress, it’s probably a mindset issue. Mhmm. 99% of the time. Once in a while, it’s like an odd skill thing that I just didn’t figure out, like, oh, you’re really uncomfortable using Google Sheets or something, and I’m like, oh, I didn’t consider that that would be a thing, right? And I’ll uncover that. That. But most of the time, it’s a mindset thing. So, I’m going in. So co planning and co teaching generally is in the skill realm. Mhmm. Right? Anytime I send someone a video, like, well, it’s just video of this training. Typically, that’s in the knowledge realm.

Chrissy Beltran [00:33:23]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:33:23]:

So if I’m doing a lot of that, I’m hitting knowledge and skills a lot. Having reflective conversations, typically, that’s in the mindset realm.

Chrissy Beltran [00:33:33]:

So whenever you start out coaching a teacher, do you kind of have an idea of the approach that you’re going to start with, or do you kind of feel things out and over then just make adjustments over time? You know, how does that come about?

Becca Silver [00:33:45]:

Oh, gosh. It I make adjustments. I’m a big, like, when I meet someone, I feel them out. When I meet different groups, I had to teach the same skill four times today, and I taught it in four different ways today. Because it was like I met the group, and it was different grade levels, and I was like oh, like this grade’ and I helped them out, and some of them were avoiding eye contact and staring at their computers, and some of them were super engaged, and I’m very much I modify, but it takes a cult like my little feelers. I I when I meet someone, I have my little feelers out for them. Like, what’s their body language? What are they are they nodding? Are they looking away? Are they laughing when I make a joke? Like I try to kind of be lighthearted and see like are they connected? Are they distracted? And I go from there. And I do have a structure depending on why I’m working with teachers or coaches. So it looked like during the pandemic, it looked like a lot of coaching menus, for example. Okay. So we kinda started there. We needed a place to start, and then we moved into a lot of there’s a lot of decision fatigue.

Chrissy Beltran [00:34:55]:

Mhmm. Absolutely. And then they’re like, what can you do anyway? What do you do? And at least that’s that menu is like a hard piece. This is what we can do. Let’s choose a thing. Like, let’s just put your finger on one of them.

Becca Silver [00:35:07]:

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s it’s like sometimes, this big broad, like, just work with these teachers, this general thing. And then sometimes it’s like, I put you with this teacher for this specific reason, and I need you to produce a result. Right?

Chrissy Beltran [00:35:21]:

Right.

Becca Silver [00:35:21]:

And when I have that situation, I will sit down, I want to make sure that they’re connected with me and trust me, right? So I’m building trust immediately. And then I’ll say to them, look, what I’m committed to, and I’ll share my commitment immediately, what I’m committed to is this is relevant and this helps you with what’s important to you. And what I’m committed to also is I need it, and I’ll say the thing while I’m there, right? Like helping your students improve their achievement or whatever it is. And so I want them to get, like, look, I’m here with you and not to make you compliant with something because I am not into compliance. And as much as I can, I wanna get engagement and ownership?

Chrissy Beltran [00:36:01]:

I like the way you’re wording that. I’m committed to supporting you and what is important to you, and I’m also committed to this thing that I have to be here to do or else I would not be in this room. Like, this is what I was directed to do here. This is why I’m here, but there’s a better way to say it. A lot of people struggle with having that dialogue with I was told to come here, and I was told to help you because your kids are not reading.

Becca Silver [00:36:22]:

Right. Right. And that creates such a compliant, dynamic. Mhmm. Right? And it’s, like, void of human connection. Like, I was told I’m being compliant. Right? Like, I told you something. I’m going to do it. Now you have to do what I say.

Chrissy Beltran [00:36:35]:

Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:36:35]:

There’s there’s no, like, even consent to do about it.

Chrissy Beltran [00:36:39]:

Right. They’re just checking boxes, and it it can make people feel like, oh, you’re just here to check the box and and Yeah. Once I check the box, you’ll leave.

Becca Silver [00:36:47]:

Yeah. Yeah. I had, you know, and we were talking about resistance. You mentioned resistance earlier. There’s different forms of resistance, and I’m actually creating a document on, like, the nine different kinds of resistance. It’s really interesting. So an unusual one that would surprise people is confusion. Confusion is a form of resistance many times. I’m not gonna, like, blanket statements. Sometimes people are actually, like unclear about something, right? And I’m not dismissing that the, you know, not being clear about something is always resistance. But if someone’s continually confused, you know, they’re resisting something about the situation. And I had a teacher that was regularly confused.

Chrissy Beltran [00:37:29]:

Yeah. He was confused

Becca Silver [00:37:30]:

who I was. He was confused why I was there. He he just was confused, like, I’m gonna I’m putting it in quotes for people listening. I’m just confused. I love my fourth coaching I I love wisdom. I closed the door, and I was like, look, buddy. And we had a real conversation about compliance.

Chrissy Beltran [00:37:50]:

Interesting.

Becca Silver [00:37:50]:

I said, I don’t want you to be compliant. I’m not here for that. I’m here to help you and what you think is important. And I said I I just I was really honest with them about, like, I want you to have ownership of what’s happening here, and I want you to feel good about it. Mhmm. And it was great. I’ve never seen such a tough case of of confusion before.

Chrissy Beltran [00:38:12]:

Interesting. Yeah. I I’ve have seen that before too. Lots of but and what is up at your what are we what are you gonna do? I don’t but why? What is happening? Yeah. Well, as that’s true. I’ve seen that frequently. But not frequently, but frequently enough to make it, you know, to give it a name.

Becca Silver [00:38:28]:

Yes. Yes. And that’s that’s just a form of resistance. Mhmm. It’s wild. You know? There’s those other forms. But, I mean, I was flying in to his city to meet with him. Yeah. It was funny.

Chrissy Beltran [00:38:39]:

Yeah. Like, no. We we got it. We can’t we don’t have time for this nonsense. We have

Becca Silver [00:38:42]:

got I don’t have a conversation about results. Yeah. Yeah. Right. It’s, you know, and it wasn’t void of of connection after that conversation. I was really committed. I it is I didn’t say this to him, but in my mind, I was committed to creating connection with him.

Chrissy Beltran [00:38:57]:

Mhmm. Interesting. So what is the outcome of coaching this way? If you could describe some of the results that you’ve seen that would I mean, you’ve talked a little bit about that as we’ve gone through this, dialogue. But if you can share some of that, that would be really great.

Becca Silver [00:39:10]:

Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, I love sharing these. The results that my coach has because I because we’re I specialize. Yeah. I coach teachers, and I coach coaches and, you know, I kind of coach everyone in the building. Mhmm. But coaches are my people, right? Some of the results that I have, seen my coaches produce, during the pandemic, for example. Pandemic happens. Teachers are like, ah, like, I can’t get coached. I don’t know what I’m doing. Right? There’s overwhelm, frustration, exhaustion, confusion. Right? And, my I was coaching coaches at the time and they and I was teaching them certain strategies and they had teachers that were one coach describes a teacher that she was the tech teacher and this was at the beginning of the pandemic or tech coach. Sorry. Tech coaches were invaluable at the beginning of the pandemic. They right? And there was this teacher that would not talk to her. Would not. And he would she described it as he would come out of his room, see her at the end of the hallway, turn around, and go back in his room. He would be avoiding her. And she used some strategies that I taught her, and he started showing up at her door. Like that is, you know, that’s that’s a 180, right? And so there’s a lot of like resistant behaviors disappearing almost overnight and teachers being very willing to be coachable. I also had coaches developing really great relationships with their bosses, with the principals. And so creating a powerful partnership with them where there was barely any at all. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. So it was it was a lot during the pandemic. At least there’s a lot of, like, developing relationships and and melting those walls, those barriers so that there can be, like, a real difference can be made. That’s awesome. Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:40:58]:

So if coaches are hearing all this and they’re like, okay. I need to start doing some of this. If they wanna start using a transformational coaching process with teachers at their school, what could they do first?

Becca Silver [00:41:10]:

Work on themselves. It’s it’s, you know, it it’s I I don’t tell anyone to do something that they haven’t done themselves. So so do transformational work yourself. And there’s, you know, resources. I mean, I have my own I have a membership with modules, and Aldine Aguilar does some transformational work as well. Yeah. There’s there’s resources out there, but do do your own mindset work. That’s what I would say.

Chrissy Beltran [00:41:40]:

That’s great. That’s a great way to start. I feel like we that’s something we should all kind of guide ourselves through. Maybe, like, once a year or once every two months or so.

Becca Silver [00:41:49]:

Yeah. Yeah.

Chrissy Beltran [00:41:51]:

On our thinking.

Becca Silver [00:41:52]:

Yeah. And, you know, I also say every coach needs a coach.

Chrissy Beltran [00:41:55]:

Yes. Absolutely. That’s actually the tagline of this podcast. It was actually every coach deserves a coach. Every people Oh. Coach, and every coach, does too. Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:42:04]:

Yes, yeah. No, totally, right? And it’s like, look, if you were a teacher that got a coaching job and got no coaching I’m sure the people listening to this podcast are looking for for coaching training. Right? But if you have no coaching training, you’re like a lead teacher, but you can’t call yourself a coach without actual coaching training.

Chrissy Beltran [00:42:25]:

Mhmm. Yeah. It’s it’s so hard to piece it together. You’re trying to build the plane as you fly it.

Becca Silver [00:42:30]:

Yes.

Chrissy Beltran [00:42:31]:

Whenever you get those positions and you’re just like, it is it is really challenging to to be the person that but you walk in and teachers look at you, and they have thoughts about you,

Becca Silver [00:42:44]:

and you don’t know what those thoughts are yet. Totally.

Chrissy Beltran [00:42:47]:

They have so many assumptions. They have assumptions to whatever your job is, and sometimes you’re not even totally sure what your job is because your job description wasn’t really that great. So everything’s kind of hazy.

Becca Silver [00:42:56]:

Everything’s hazy. Yeah. And that’s something that a lot of my coaches struggle with. It’s, like, even advocating to get into classrooms.

Chrissy Beltran [00:43:03]:

Yeah.

Becca Silver [00:43:03]:

You know? And they get pulled to do 20,000,000 things. And it’s like, no. I just I just wanna be in classrooms with teachers. Yeah. Right? How do you define that? How do you build relationships and trust while building the plane as you fly it? I don’t know why this jumped out of my head to share, but like distinguishing a consultant versus a coach.

Chrissy Beltran [00:43:21]:

Yeah. A

Becca Silver [00:43:22]:

consultant is basically someone that is the expert coach is actually leading someone through a thinking process and many times leads them through for them to discover the answer.

Chrissy Beltran [00:43:42]:

Mhmm.

Becca Silver [00:43:42]:

And that requires questioning skills. That requires listening skills, right? And you can’t listen accurately until you’ve done the work on your own mindset. So you can hear, for example, I still have my own I’m not good enough. I just hear it, and it doesn’t impact my coaching.

Chrissy Beltran [00:44:01]:

Mhmm. Yeah. That’s, that was how I was introduced actually as a as a brand new coach. The principal said, well, there were two of us who are brand new, a math and science coach and a literacy coach. That was me. And she said, and here we have our experts in math and science and literacy. And she was probably like, oh, great. Another expert. That’s what we wanted.

Becca Silver [00:44:22]:

Right. Right. It doesn’t empower teachers to just have some kind of expert, and that’s, you know, and it’s it’s wild, the the, the context of the situation that a lot of times you’re right, I’m sure you were excellent in the classroom with literacy, right? Like, you’re excellent at teaching literacy and you get this job coaching, right? And you bring that expertise with you and it’s like now I’m going to use all like, what I view coaches as as I have all this amazing content knowledge, but I’m not gonna just give it to you. It’s I’m gonna learn how to ask questions and lead you to the answer.

Chrissy Beltran [00:44:59]:

Mhmm. Yes. So okay. If people want to learn more about all of this because there’s so much information, but I feel like you were able to, like, introduce a lot of it to us, but I’m sure people really wanna dig in.

Becca Silver [00:45:11]:

How

Chrissy Beltran [00:45:11]:

can people find you online or in the real world, wherever, to learn more about it?

Becca Silver [00:45:16]:

Yes. My, website is thewholeeducator.com. Mhmm. And, on that website is my membership. And, so you can so, I mean, the main thing is you can go on my website and you’ll find, some I don’t know if I saw some videos up and you can on Instagram, you can find me at the whole educator as well. There’s lots of posts that are useful. I have a free ebook you can download as well as, a free ebook. I feel like there was something else. I don’t remember now. But the free ebook is really great. It’s 17 coaching tips, and they all have like really great explanations. And then my membership, which is, you can find it oh my gosh. We can I guess you can find it on my website under programs? And it’s, you join and you get self recorded, self paced modules that are recorded and, coaching from me. And so I think it’s a great combination of your learning stuff, practicing it, and then also getting some guidance, which is, again, what I believe coaches need support in. You should never just be given a book and said go. Right? Right. Every coach deserves a coach.

Chrissy Beltran [00:46:32]:

I love it. Well, thank you so much for being here today.

Becca Silver [00:46:35]:

Yes. Thank you for having me. This was great.

Chrissy Beltran [00:46:42]:

I enjoyed that conversation with Becca so much, and I hope that you did too. I feel like I got a lot out of it, a really firm understanding about transformational coaching, and some of the first steps to take. I hope that you are able to apply those in your own work. There are a few other episodes that I referred to during this conversation that I would love to share with you. That’s episode 16, understanding the reasons for resistance, where I share certain reasons that that teachers may be resistant to your support. Episode 28, it’s coaching for equity with Elena Aguilar. She is another person in this, in this sort of corner of coaching that talks about transformational coaching. So she has a few books about out it about it, and you can listen to a podcast episode with her, in episode 28. In episode 55 with Steez Barclay, we talk about how to coach through resistance, what you can do, and he shares a few strategies that can be really helpful. I also have a handy dandy, free download for you. It’s a coaching menu that could talk about coaching menus and how you can use them to kind of, you know, really make things concrete and to support teachers and understanding what it is that you’re there to do. You can get that at buzzingbusinessme.com/episode100andfifteen. The next episode that I’m going to share with you is I’m really excited about it. It’s episode one sixteen. We’re going to take a close look at some of the challenges that coaches have, especially those that revolve around the coach principle relationship. And we’re going to figure out how we can proactively set up an agreement to make coaching roles very clear. That episode is going to be with Lindsay Deacon and Angela Harkness, who are the op, the authors of the edu coach survival guide. So definitely check back next week for that episode. And until then, happy coaching.

Chrissy Beltran [00:48:29]:

Thank you for listening to buzzing with Chrissy Beltran, the coaching podcast. Want more coaching ideas? Check me out at buzzingwithmissb.com and on Instagram at buzzing with Chrissy Beltran. If you love the show, share it with a coach who would love it too, or leave me a review on iTunes. It’s free, and it helps others find this show. Happy coaching.