Fifty Shades of Me.

I am back from my 7 day cruise in the Caribbean. Not surprisingly, I had a very exciting time. I saw a lot of exciting things: a naked man washing his shorts in the river in Jamaica, a juggler who had a firework popping on top of his head, and a Mexican moon pie called “Mamut.” These are all equally considered as adventures by me.

On returning to my home, I was greeted by my brother, who took care of my pets for me. Opening the car door and stepping onto the sidewalk, I waved happily at Ben. Ben waved back and shouted, “Wow. You got really sunburned.”

I did. But not where you can see it. 

I am a crispy brown color on my arms and shoulders (and face, except for my nose: my nose is a brown triangle with red undertones. Or overtones. Or maybe it will all peel off tomorrow. I don’t know.)

My legs are only slightly brown-er than they were when I left, which was pretty pale. My stomach and upper thighs are still transparent and fishy looking. In the right light, you are able to see through my skin and bask in the blue glow of my veins. 

But the best shade of the fifty shades is a rectangle of red on my back. Not a complete rectangle – the place where y bathing suit top tied at mu neck is completely white, but the rest is a solid red block, courtesy of Montego Bay in Jamaica. Yesterday it started to peel off. It was pretty gross. Fernie amused himself by peeling off chunks like tape. They even sounded like tape when he did it. I don’t think it was a good idea, because it’s still itchy and I expect to lose several more layers, as if I received a complimentary microderm abrasion while sitting in the shallow water of the beach. 

The burn actually emanates heat. In the winter, I would be a valuable friend. I could keep you warm just by proximity to the burn. 

I wrote down lots of things to blog about. I had to charge my phone for the sole purpose of using the ‘notes’ section to record frantically spelled recollections of the day. Things like, “Cayman two rum punches” and “crack guy on barfy boat” will undoubtedly take shape as I begin to wrote about them. I can only hope so, because why go on vacation if you can’t come back and blog about it sarcastically?

The next several days will document my trip. I don’t know if you’re interested to read it, as I know my lovely friend Lisa will be, or if you’re bitter to read it, as I know my lovely friend Rachel will be. Either way, I will empathize with and welcome your comments: friendly or sourpuss. 

*I accidentally posted this at midnight last night, so I fixed it up and am re-posting! oops!
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  1. Sounds like you had a great time! ๐Ÿ™‚ My legs are the same…if you compare my arms and legs, its like two totally different people! Even when they're "tan" they're translucent!

    I left you an award on my blog…be sure to come check it out! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Adventures in Second Grade

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