The First Step to Take When Coaching Resistant Teachers, ep. 273

The First Step to Take When Coaching Resistant Teachers, ep. 273, Instructional Coaching with Ms. B Podcast

Chrissy (00:04.706)

coach and welcome to instructional coaching with Miss B. Today we are talking about a very hot topic in coaching, which is what this whole mini series is all about. The first step to take when you’re coaching resistant teachers. I know it stresses us all out. We think we get the feelings right when we go into the classrooms. And so I cannot wait to share this episode with you. As a coach, I have worked with a lot of different kinds of teachers in all different places of comfort with coaching. Some teachers.

you, right, a small percentage, welcome me in their rooms before they even really knew me. Some took some time for me to prove myself and were comfortable once they knew who I was and what I was there to do. That’s the majority. And some were harder nuts to crack. There are signs that a teacher is being resistant to you. And these signs can be either overt or covert. So overt is like in your face.

That could be like a teacher saying, you know, I think decisions should be made by people actually in the classroom, which someone once told me before she knew me, she got to light me after a while. They could sound like, I don’t see how you’re supposed to help me do anything when you haven’t even taught fifth grade. Or like my friend who I have never had this experience, but was doing a small group binder check. And the teacher said, well, apparently I don’t know anything about intervention and threw the binder like across the table at her.

So yikes, right? That’s covert. I’m sorry, that’s overt. It’s obvious. Covert is a little bit more sneaky. It’s avoidance. It’s hidden. It’s, oh my gosh, I forgot all about our meeting again. And you rescheduled it three times. It’s, oh, I left my binder at home, but I’ll bring it next week because we can look at data next week, right? Or showing up to the meeting empty handed. Or just not doing any of the things that you talk about. They go back to the classroom and act like.

they never heard of you, right? Or any of the things that you’ve decided together. There are a lot of reasons that teachers do these things. They could have had a bad experience specifically with coaches. They could have low confidence in their work or shame. They could have overwhelm or frustration. Or it could be part of a really bad coaching culture that has never asked that teacher to learn anything or try anything ever. So changing something feels like punitive, like they’re failing. Today’s episode is all about

Chrissy (02:24.79)

the step one that you want to take when you’re coaching teachers who are being resistant. And that, unfortunately, my dearest coach, is your own mindset. I know you don’t want to think about your own mindset. Right? What about their mindset? They’re the ones being mean and gossiping and telling you rude things. Right. And they they could be. You’re probably right. Sometimes I want to wallow in the meanness that I get to and just feel so mad about it and so sad and like, why are they so mean to me?

But as I said, unfortunately, as the coach, the responsibility for relationship building and making coaching happen is on you, not on the grumpy teacher. Like, yeah, they should welcome you and appreciate your support and do all the cool stuff that you’re talking about. But if it doesn’t happen, who’s got to fix it? You have to fix it, right? And it can be really hard for us to see what we’re bringing to the party when somebody else is being unkind or difficult.

So I know this is a challenge, but I believe you will see the benefits of this if you trust me and just take the first step. We’re going to start by really understanding your interactions with the teacher and thinking about the part you play in those interactions. The only one we can control in the room is ourselves. So we have to change our actions if we want to see a change in the way that we’re communicating with each other. So.

What you’re gonna do is you’re gonna divide a piece of paper into fourths or you can actually grab the handouts and the videos that teach you how to do all this and more at buzzingwithmissb.com slash resistance. In each fourth, you’re gonna write a different little heading. One of them is gonna say things to the teacher does. The other says things the teacher says. And then on bottom, things I do around the teacher and things I say about the teacher or sorry, say to the teacher. So let’s talk about things the teacher does. This could be Rolls-Eyes.

avoids eye contact, pretends to work. I actually saw this happen during a workshop one time. Everybody was like, you know, writing things with their pencil or pen in notebooks and making plans and things. And there was this one teacher who had her laptop open because she wanted to like avoid me. And so she was sitting at the table with other teachers and she said, I just prefer to type. And I said, okay.

Chrissy (04:39.34)

And she was typing away, right? And then she didn’t realize that I had kind of walked around that table to the other side and I was standing behind her. And I can see that she was just pretending to click the keys. Like she was moving her fingers on the keys but she wasn’t actually typing anything. That’s so silly. But that was like her being resistant. Like I don’t, I’m not gonna do this, right? Sorry, it’s so weird. Okay, they might make little remarks.

about you, around you, to others. They might stand aggressively, which sounds weird, but the same teacher who was pretending to type also was like a taller teacher and I felt like she tried to, I’m not that tall, she tried to loom over me, you know, a little bit. It didn’t bother me because I’m the shortest one in my family by far. So I’m used to being the short person. Doesn’t bug me, but yeah, it was, I felt it. I felt like that was what was being done.

then for things the teacher says, think about the words that they’ve used that have really bothered you and why they bother you, right? So I recorded, like, the people in the classroom should make the decisions, that’s one thing. What do you do here? I’m sorry, what do you do here? What are you doing? Right, that might be one. Why do you need to come in my classroom? I had a substitute teacher tell me that. They were a long-term sub and she was like, why do you need to be in here? I like, dude, you need some help.

but she didn’t know she needed help. She thought she was fantastic, right? And she was a substitute, so there was a lot going on that she needed support in. Did not want it. They might say, I forgot this, I forgot that. Or, that’s not gonna work because it won’t work with these kids. Kids are different here, things like that. You want us all to be the same. You want us all to do the exact same thing at the same time. One time, a teacher told me we were talking about management, and she said she wasn’t…

actually saying I was saying this, but she was thinking that the principal wanted her to make her students into soldiers. And that one stuck with me because nobody was wanting children to be soldiers, but she felt like any structure was going to take away so much individuality that they were all just going to be soldiers, right? So I wrote that one down. Now is the tricky part, things I do around the teacher. So I want you to really think about your body.

Chrissy (06:57.376)

And what you’re doing around this teacher, do you feel nervous? Does your heart race fast? Do your hands get a little shaky? Does your voice quiver? I mean, or quaver? Sometimes mine will, right? Does your body shrink down or do you like hunch your shoulders trying to be small and protected? Do you listen for rudeness and errors? Because we do this. I do this. Maybe you don’t. Where if somebody has been rude, I’m like.

I turn up my hearing double because I want to make sure I hear it. If there’s something rude said, which really I should be trying to ignore those things, but instead I’m like, I’m going to notice everything they say. Do you speak timidly or maybe more brusquely quickly so you can kind of avoid the interaction? I’ve done that. And then I want you to think about things that you say to the teacher. And these might be things that help you skirt around the issue or maybe you use like third person a lot more instead of I or you.

Sometimes that can be helpful, but sometimes it’s like we’re trying to baby people too much, right? And it can, what we’re saying can become muddy and confusing so then we can’t provide accurate coaching. Do you avoid certain topics? Do you focus only on positives or do you focus only on negatives? Have you had an interaction with the teacher that has created this sense of animosity, not only from them, but from you? Really dig deep and see, you know, what is…

perpetuating this relationship. Mark these things down on your four square, okay? And then we’re gonna talk about three questions that I hope will help you analyze the relationship you have with your teacher so that you can make some good next steps and hopefully make some inroads and improve the coaching relationship you have. The first question is, and obviously if you can write this down, fantastic, but if not, you can grab it all in that free mini course that I mentioned at buzzingwithmissb.com slash resistance.

One is, what is it about my relationship with this teacher that I find so challenging? This is really enlightening because sometimes what we find really challenging is we feel like they don’t care about their work or we feel like kids are suffering, right? We might find challenges. I’m speaking from experience. These are my feelings, right? I’m not saying they’re accurate. I’m saying this is how I have felt. Maybe we feel like they doubt our credibility.

Chrissy (09:19.084)

Like they don’t value us as actual strong educators. There could be lots of reasons. So think about what it is about this teacher that is really eating at you. The second question is, what am I bringing to the table that is perpetuating this kind of relationship? So I want you to think about, OK, this is what the teacher is saying, but what am I bringing to the table? Well, I’m bringing a lot of anxiety. And some people feed off that anxiety, and it makes them kind of uncomfortable as well. And then our interactions are yucky, right?

Maybe you are bringing almost hostility. Maybe you’re bringing avoidance. I definitely have avoided classrooms and teachers that stress me out. I’ve talked about it many times on the podcast. And if you’ve been a long time listener, you know that I would take some quick steps to get past certain doors, right? I don’t think I’m alone in this. The third question is, how can I approach this person differently to change the outcome? If you can change one thing about the way you interact with this person, what could it be? Because we cannot change what they do. We can only change what we do.

If you can really analyze your interactions and your reactions to specific teachers, you might find that you’re bringing something to the table that is making it difficult to work together and change a relationship you have. So over time, if you work on these specific interactions, you’ll probably be surprised at how much shift you see. This is only the first step, but it’s a big one because it starts to pave the way for future change.

If you have teachers who close the door when you walk by, openly complain during PLC meetings, or flat out refuse to work with you, you’re in a tough spot. You’re not alone though. It’s a common spot to be in. So coaches have had to figure out how to deal with this and how to reach teachers who are resistant to coaching and change since the day the first coach came onto the field. So let me help you. Head to buzzingwithmisspeed.com slash resistance and get the five day coaching resistant teachers challenge sent right to your inbox.

It’s a short video each day with a workbook to help you work through this challenge and change your coaching relationship. I believe you’ll love it. I have heard some fantastic success stories with it, and I really hope it changes the way you do your job. And it helps you be a little happier at work because these situations, they stress us out. Next week, we are talking about another hot topic, classroom environments that actually support student learning. When I started teaching, I am being honest, my classroom was a hot mess.

Chrissy (11:38.062)

I work just fine with way too much going on for most people. Like, I can be in the midst of quite a bit, maximism, maximalism, guess is the term, maximalism. I’m good with that, right? But most people are not, and kids are not. I was raised in like a super busy home, and some would say it was chaotic with like squirrely hoarding tendencies. And so my classroom reflected that. And I had a lot to learn about supporting student learning with the environment.

and so many teachers do too. So I hope you check in next week again to hear that episode and until then, happy coaching!