Melisandre Monday, Season 6 finale!

I know, I didn’t write about episode nine. Even though it was incredibly amazing. The battle, the dragons, the Knights of the Vale. Here’s why: I was super sick. I felt terrible. So terrible that I didn’t even want to open my laptop.

I know, that never happens.

I’m feeling mostly better now. Certainly well enough to write about the most incredible GoT episode, certainly in this season (yes, even better than BotB, possibly ever.

Cersei & Marjorie
When this episode opens, you spend about ten minutes watching the “previously ons.” It’s basically antything that’s ever happened on GoT. So that tells you, it’s gonna be a big one.

We see Cerseit, looking out the window across King’s Landing as her lady dresses her in some sort of armor-type stuff and we listen to the bells chime. Tommen, Marjorie, and the High Sparrow are getting ready, too. And none of them looks too excited.

The music at the beginning of this episode was so unlike anything I’ve heard on GoT. Very modern piano movements to start, as the people file into the Sept of Balor. It’s incredibly tense. They start Loras’ trial and he ends up with a seven-pointed star on his forehead (not part of Marjorie’s plan btw), but Cersei doesn’t even show up!

So you know something big is going to happen. Marjorie knows, too, but nobody cares. It’s about twenty minutes of stress for the viewer. Lancel follows the kid into the tunnels and sees the wildfire, Qyburn has Pycelle killed by his little birds (I keep telling people that working with small children is dangerous, but no one believes me), and when you’re about so anxious that you can’t deal with it any more, the music reaches a crescendo and everybody blows up. And not a little. Like, a lot. Like they blow up so thoroughly that there’s clearly nothing left.

Tommen’s so upset he just pours himself right out the window.

Walder & Jaime
So Walder’s thinking he’s a pretty smart guy (despite having lost Riverrun and failed to regain it) and everyone’s feasting as a pretty young woman makes eyes at Jaime. Not out of the ordinary, right? I’d be making eyes at him, too… although I doubt he’d give me a second glance!

Walder comes over to Jaime to gloat over what, I’m not sure, and Jaime puts him in his place and questions his purpose in life. What value are you anyway, Walder? You’re just a yucky old man with sons who wear weird hats. Nobody fears the Freys! Duh!

Sam & Gilly
This section should probably be called Sam and books, given how much attention he actually paid Gilly in this scene. The maester behind the desk was a bit goblin-y as Sam tries to make his little jokes about life being irregular. The dude’s not impressed.

But he does lead Sam toward the library. Sam throws Gilly a helpless glance (who knows where she is now) and the maester leads him into the ginormous library. Did this not feel like a scene out of Harry Potter?

And those gold chandelier things are from the opening sequence! WHAAAAT?!

Jon & Melisandre
Melisandre is lecturing Jon about appreciating his childhood when she literally burned a little girl at the stake, which Davos brings to her attention. Davos was awesome in this scene; truly heartbreaking. Anyway, Melisandre has to trot away on her little pony or Jon will kill her. Or Davos will kill her. Or I’ll kill her, at this point.

Jon & the North
So winter is here.

And Sansa still might be sneaky. It might be good for Jon to be a little more chatty.

Olenna & Elia
HAHAHA! Olenna cracks me up. Who wants to listen to the Sand Snakes? Not me! Once the little girls finally shut up, Olenna & Elia make an alliance with Varys to support Danaerys. And so it begins: all of the storylines funneling into Jon and Dany. (And maybe Littlefinger; he’s wily enough).

Dany & Tyrion
Aw, Dany gave Tyrion a little hand of the queen pin and he almost cried. Which means I almost cried. Admit it, so did you. And then they board their ships and head for Westeros!

What I’d like to know is, she told the Greyjoys to tone it down with the reaving and pillaging and stuff, but what about the Dothraki? I remember her wedding to Khal Drogo; there was more inappropriate stuff going on there than in all the time Theon was away from the Iron Islands. I’d like to see her control that when she gets to Westeros.

Arya & Walder
I was so excited to see this: they resurrected a very old story from the books to help Arya destroy Walder. She chops up his disgusting sons and pops them into a very dense sort of pie. Apparently, Walder is used to eating some pretty rancid food, because he didn’t even notice the human meat in his dinner.

And then the girl RIPS HER FACE OFF and SHE’S ARYA! She rips him right open with a smile on her face. And scene.

Except replace father with Mother, brother, and everyone else.
Littlefinger & Sansa
Littlefinger: Ummm, I was wondering, when I’m king do you want to go out sometime?
Sansa: *Pushes her hand against his face* No.

But then Littlefinger, ever the weasel, tries to turn Sansa against Jon.

Ned & Leanna
Bran, apparently thinking that he has PLENTY of time to get past the wall before the White Walkers find him, decides to take a little break to download some info from the godswood tree where his dead Uncle Benjen leaves him.

And it takes us right back to the Tower of Joy! And it’s Ned! And Leanna! And the baby! And it’s Jon! So R + L = J! So Jon’s a secret Targaryen!

But Jon doesn’t know any of this, so it doesn’t matter…yet.

The North Remembers
And then Lady Mormont stands up and makes all those men in that room feel about six inches tall. Preach it, girl!