My dog is not normal.

I think something’s wrong with my dog Stevie.

I have two dogs. (I used to have three, but our dear Penny passed away a few months ago.) My two dogs are Lucy, who is very smart, enjoys taking walks, can sit and follow basic directions, and is incredibly loving. When you look into Lucy’s eyes, you see what a person she is.

And then there’s Stevie, who is… none of those things. He can’t follow basic directions or sit or stay, he’s completely self-preserving, and when you look in Stevie’s eyes, you see shiny little black eyeballs. And that’s it.

Don’t misunderstand me – I love Stevie. He’s an adorable little pup, and very sweet.

But…there’s something wrong there. I can’t say what it is exactly, but he’s just not…normal.

It took him almost two years to learn how to run into his kennel. Now, if we only did this every once in a while, I could understand it. But we bring him in every single night, put his food bowl in his kennel, and say, “Go to bed.”

He runs to the kennel, and then he sits and stares at it and cries. And then I scootch him in and he’s perfectly happy. He just couldn’t bring himself to walk inside of his own volition.

So the other day, I had a genius idea. I thought, “I’m going to take Lucy AND Stevie on a walk!” This might not sound like such an amazing idea. The only reason I never took Stevie on a walk before is because Penny didn’t like walking (being a stubby dachsund) and so I’d leave Stevie behind to keep her company while I took Lucy on a walk. Which she loves. Like a normal dog.

And I thought, “Well, Lucy loves to walk, and Stevie loves to be with Lucy! He’ll be so happy!” 

So I harness up my two dogs, (this was a whole feat in itself – putting a collar on Stevie is like putting a collar on a goldfish) and of course, Lucy is already pulling at the reigns, ready to drag me down the street. And then I look back at Stevie. He’s whimpering and jerking his head back and forth to get free of the leash.

And I stupidly thought, “Well, maybe we just have to get started.”

I opened the front door, and Lucy blasted forward. I peeked back at Stevie, the leash curled around my legs, and I saw his look of fear. His eyes looked into mine and silently cried, “Leave me! Just save yourself!”

I shut the door behind us and strode out confidently, thinking, “Once we get going, he’ll see how nice it is. He’ll like taking walks.” I start down the sidewalk, taking nice long strides. The weather was beautiful – golden sunlight on a January afternoon. My two lovely dogs and I are out for a walk on a gorgeous day.

Lucy continued to pull at the leash ahead, and I felt a tug, tug on Stevie’s leash behind. I look back and realized I am literally dragging my dog down the street. He’s sitting down on his tush with his legs out in front like a baby, and and he’s absolutely refusing to budge. But I didn’t know this, I’m basically pulling him along like a little furry wagon.

And I stupidly thought, “Oh, maybe he’ll get rolling once we’re down the street a bit.”

I want you to picture this: Lucy clawing forward, trying to drag me (and Steve) down the street. And Stevie whimpering three feet behind me, his butt planted firmly on the ground and sliding down the sidewalk as I drag him along. I can only imagine what my neighbors thought.

I finally gave up and carried him all the way back home. You know, I make myself look goofy enough all by myself. I don’t need Steve’s help to look stupid.

So anyway, now I know that I’ll still be taking one-dog walks. Because Stevie isn’t smart enough to…walk. And as Lucy and I walk down the street, Stevie will whimper and whine that he isn’t being included. But I know better.

Please tell me I’m not the only one with a dog like Steve.