Pantsy Fants

So yesterday I blogged about my spring break bucket list. This means I blogged about wedding wedding wedding!

But today, reality has struck and I have one more thing to add to my bucket list.


I have problems with pants. I hate to try them on. My figure, Greek goddess-esque, isn’t exactly pants-friendly. It’s more muumuu friendly. My waist is smaller than my hips, because my hips are enormous. I’m not sure why. It’s like you took my mother’s 5’9″ curvy frame and squished it down into my 5’4″ lumpy frame. 

LOL Just writing this makes me laugh. I don’t hate my own figure. I just know it’s special and unique and it hates pants.

Especially jeans.

I love wearing pants and jeans. I just hate trying them on. For this reason, I have worn the exact same kind of pants for the last six years. They are Target pants. I loooooved my Target pants. I had black, gray, brown, and two shades of khaki. And I wore them all the time! Target pants Target pants Target pants. 

Shopping for pants was great during this pants heyday. I could go to Target, stride straight towards the rack, check the size, and buy them, without trying anything on! Because I always wore the exact same kind! 

But alas, Target has found out about my pantstopia. They discontinued my pants. Now they have some system with four different styles, none of which is the style of pants I love. They’re all “low rise, curvy thigh” or “high-buttoned boot cut” or “skinny pants pantsalots” and I just don’t get it. 

I even searched online for my special pants, but to no avail. They just don’t exist anymore and I’m not gonna wear those imposters with fancy labels.

I just want pants!

So I figured I would wear my pants until they fell apart. I can deal with buttons (I’ll sew them back on) and loose seams (easy to fix), but some wear & tear is unfixable. Last week, I lost two pairs at the same time, due to the same culprit: thighs.

My curvaceousness extends to my thighs. These dainty thighs tend to rub against each other with every step, threatening to set fire to pantyhose and shredding the fabric between them into a fine mesh. Suddenly, I’ll sit down and have a tear about three inches long, rendering my pants unwearable.

So now I have to go buy pants. I’m not excited about it. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m really just dreading it, and I’m not sure where to go, because Target has disappointed me one time to many. I guess I’ll hit JC Penney. Maybe they have pants with the perfect blend of mom-ishness and just enough Greek goddess for me.

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  1. I am laughing just reading this. (With you, not at you!) Try ebay…it is where I sometimes check for things that have been discontinued.

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