Why I gained ten pounds

I’m not exactly sure if I gained ten pounds. I’m not going to weigh myself until I’m sure that I have lost what I gained. I don’t want to give myself a heart attack when I’m the most susceptible to heart attack.

There was food everywhere. Everywhere. Breakfast was served from some hour before I woke up until 11:00. Lunch was served from 11:30 until 4:30. If you wanted a hamburger, you could get one at any hour of the day or night. Dinner was served between 6:00 and 9:30. And then there were late-night snacks, midnight buffets, and hot chocolate and popcorn available at all hours. 

And I ate most of it. My hunny ate what was left.

I’m not huge on buffets for meals. But dessert buffets – that was a different story. There were constant desserts to choose from, and I’m indecisive. I walked to the front of the line and said, “One of each, please.” I figured this was the best way to get the cruise experience. On the last day of the trip (the day before my birthday), I went to get my plate from the feeding trough. A woman walked by me and I glanced at her plate’s contents. I excitedly explained to my hunny, “She had something round covered in chocolate with a stick in it! There’s a chocolate fountain somewhere!!” Oh, yes. Holmes got nothin on me. 

He gestured patiently to a sign above our heads which read “Chocolate Fountain.” 

Oh! “So it’s true, then!” I declared triumphantly.

I covered many things in chocolate and ate them.

A few evenings, we ate in the dining hall. We had requested the “Open seating” so we could have dinner anytime in the evening. This resulted in some interesting pairings. The first night, we were seated next to a couple of very young people. They were married, but if the little woman was older then 19, she looked amazing. The only comments they shared with us were when the boy commented that he had filled the bottom half of his tea glass with sugar. We laughed. The girl said she was going to go to her room to take some ‘germamine’. I’m sure she meant dramamine. 

The next night, we were seated next to an Indian couple who refused to speak except to notify me that I was  allowed to order two entrees if one was not enough to ‘fill me up.’ Gee, thanks. Clearly I require two entrees to fill myself up. Especially since his birdwife had just eaten a meal of fruit, salad, and a small plate of pasta. 

So the third night, I completely expected to be seated next to a pair of mimes with frowny faces painted on. I imagined us all gesturing toward our food and toward our mouths, sharing the experience of pretending to eat. 

Imagine my ridiculous expression when, as I was seated next to a young couple, I overheard the woman say, “And I was in fourth grade this year, but next year I’ll be in second.”

WHAT?! A teacher?! Too good to be true. My goofy face belied my inner thoughts. I could tell because her husband looked at me as you look at a child who has ‘exciting news’ to share. Yes? his face said. And what do you have to say?

“I taught fourth grade for eight years! Next year I’m gonna be a literacy lead and I’m totally freaking out!”
Those were the words that escaped my mouth. Needless to say, because she was a teacher and used to people having ridiculous statements stumble out of their mouths without proper greetings or manners, she go over it, and we had a lovely conversation about teaching, STAAR, and state funding for districts.

The last night of the cruise, I was surprised with an engagement! 

No, it was not mine. It was somebody else’s.

That night, we had dinner in a fancy place. 

It was called Cucina del Capitano and the staff was full of beautiful Croatian people. Every one was prettier than the last. (I took a picture of two of the pretty men dancing. It was hard, because I was drooling so much.)

We enjoyed a very large dinner of very tasty Italian food. Then my hunny got up to go to the restroom. 

I was sitting by myself, staring out the window into the black water, when I suddenly realized a table near mine had excitedly begun taking pictures of a young couple seated right across from me. 

“Again! Again! Do it again!” the table shouted, as the young couple kissed for the camera.

That’s weird. Why are they so excited that they’re kissing? 

After a minute, though, (please remember my delayed reaction time with the magician and juggler) I realized the man had just proposed to the woman and the neighboring table was erupting with applause because now these people were forever shackled together. The guy had put a ring in the girl’s cannoli. Unfortunately, when she was ordering dessert, she didn’t want the cannoli. She wanted something else. The waitress spent several minutes praising the cannoli and explaining how, in an Italian restaurant, you gotta try the cannoli. So she did and she found a ring in it. 
When Fernie returned to the table, he found me, sitting alone and looking at him grouchily. 

“Proposing on a cruise ship is expected, hunny. It’s boring.”
We’ll see what amazing plan he has in store for me. Hopefully it will involve a magician and a juggler.
It’s probably for the best. The way I was eating on that cruise, I would probably have gulped the ring down and not even noticed it.

And anyway, since it was my birthday, I got a tasty dessert (ringless cannoli, I think they’re called) and the handsome waiters sang Happy Birthday. Waaaay better than a ring.

On our way back to our room, after such a romantic evening of someone else’s romance, I was serenaded by children racing around to get frozen yogurt on the last night they would be able to eat all night long for ‘free’. They raced past Fernie and I, and the frontrunner shouted back to the caboose to “HURRY UP”! The boy in the rear indignantly shouted back, “I’m trying to eat my FRO YO!”

Ah, youth.
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  1. First of all- thanks so much for the t-shirt heads up! I hemmed and hawed, because I don't really NEED a t-shirt- but then I decided it was just too good to pass up. Hopefully I don't look too pukey in the 'banana' color.

    I felt the same way on our cruise. There was ice cream, pizza, and burgers whenever I wanted them. There was all kinds of food I would NEVER be able to afford ordering off of a cruise, so I just HAD to try it! So hard not to go crazy- but, of course, when I went on that cruise, I was 18 and much skinnier to start with!

    Don't worry- it'll come back off 🙂

    I do like that proposal story, though- that waitress better have gotten a HUGE tip for convincing her to get the cannoli! 🙂 Hopefully when your time comes, it'll be a little more creative.

    Luckeyfrog's Lilypad

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